I can be really hard on myself. Can you relate? We’re almost at the end of January 2020 and I had some grand plans about messaging for my business. I was excited about them because conflict resolution is important to me. Sharing ideas to help people find some peace is important to me. But we’re nearing the end of the first month of the year and I haven’t executed a single plan.
Yikes! I’ve let myself down, not a great way to kickoff a new year.
Here’s the thing, it’s not the end of the world, I can just start today. So why haven’t I? For some reason my brain has turned this into a thing. I think things like “it made sense to start fresh with a fresh year, now it just feels funny”, “being vulnerable is too scary” or “it was too much in the first place, better to just move on.” Totally irrational. I know it’s irrational but my brain goes there anyhow.
I see it happen when helping people deal with conflict all the time. They let the irrational take over because it’s easier than facing a mistake. Sometimes I need to take my own medicine and this is one of those times. So I’m going to force myself to see things from another perspective.
Sometimes I need to take my own medicine.
When my thoughts are irrational I’m going to tell myself that “better late than never” applies to this situation. I’ll remind myself that NOW is also a great time to start. I’ll make sure that I’m being kind to myself. It’s another case of easy to say but hard to do, but by putting it out here for all of you I’m forcing myself to be accountable because it’s important to me.
So often we hide behind the safety of mistakes or chances not taken because we at least know what we’re dealing with. New things are daunting. Even small new things like adding in a new social media plan. We’re not always rational.
It’s all about marshmallows!
Marshmalllows are something I speak about quite a bit when it comes to my business and conflict resolution. It’s an analogy I use for the softness that we all have, the part where we feel stuff. What makes us human. We protect our mashmallows because they are so important, and because we’ve had them hurt before. Most of us put a good solid hard candy coating over our marshmallow. I’m not judging, I do it too. But when we’re angry one of the best ways to resolving things is to share our marshmallow. To share why we’re hurt or frustrated means being willing to be a little bit vulnerable. It also important to remember that the other person has a marshmallow. By talking from ours, we can sometimes coax them into talking from theirs.
Even just taking a moment to remember that the other person has a marshmallow changes the way to talk to them and respond to them. It humanizes them. Even that small and subtle change can affect the way a difficult conversation goes, without you even realizing it. I’m a big fan of talking about marshmallows because I fiercely believe in the power of them in conflict resolution.
Back in the fall I had some branding photography done by the amazing Trina Turl https://www.trinaphoto.com/ and she took a bunch of marshmallow shots for my social media. I also found a cool crocheted marshmallow that I named Marsha. So I was all ready to go, to start 2020 with a social media feature that I wanted to call Marshmallow Mondays. The plan was to use the day to get talking and thinking about being vulnerable, about seeing others as vulnerable and about connecting marshmallow to marshmallow. Because when we do, we can face disagreements in such productive and kind ways.
I’ve got some awesome marshmallow content planned.
We’ve all rocked 3 Mondays now, and not a single marshmallow post has been made. But it’s going to happen because I’ve written it here and because I believe in it. I’m going to push past my irrational excuses for not doing it. Marshmallow Mondays are coming!
You might wonder why I didn’t just take the time I took writing this to get a Marshmallow Monday post up. It’s a fair point. But it’s Wednesday so I’m giving myself some grace. Also, I feel like it’s important to share my marshmallow, to remind myself and whoever cares to listen of the old chestnut that failure isn’t falling down, it’s staying down.
If you’re fallen short on something you wanted to get off the ground, join me in getting it done! Let’s get past our brains telling us that it’s too late.
And check out my social media on Monday, Marsha is coming out to play!
If you want to read more about my thoughts on marshmallows check out Feeding Your Marshmallow and how it can affect how you handle conflict. https://empoweredresults.ca/blog/2018/04
Sarah Turl loves helping people talk marshmallow to marshmallow. As the owner of Empowered Results she works with people having all sorts of conflicts, from big to small.
She’s super excited to keep her promise of starting Marshmallow Mondays!